Monday, July 30, 2007

Free....

1. Not imprisoned or enslaved; being at liberty.
2. Not affected or restricted by a given condition or circumstance.

My Mondays are typically filled with errands... Some of those days are lighter than others... Today for example... The only thing on my "Have To" list... Dentist... Deposit... My "Want To" list, however, is a bit longer...
I had told Jay that I wanted to come by and visit Jerry... They had moved him to hospice last Wednesday, so I wanted to come hang out with him... If he was up to it...
As I'm laying in the dentist chair... The hygienist distractedly scraping, while going on about her ex-husband, who she thinks is gay... "But, he doesn't know it yet"... If she starts asking me questions, I'm outta here... Bib and all...
My phone vibrates... Obviously, I can't answer... She's got everything but her feet in my mouth... She finishes... I pay, leave... I didn't even have to give her any tell tale signs to look for (If you catch him with a cock in his mouth... He's probably gay)...
I check my voicemail... It's Jay, he sounds tired, "Call me when you get this"... I'm assuming he's calling to let me know a good time to stop by to see Jerry... I call him back... Hey Jay, How are you?... Silence... I already know whats coming...
Jerry passed away, shortly after they took him to hospice... I told Jay that I was sorry... If you need anything at all, I'm right here... He asked me if I was working tomorrow, He wants to come by, visit for a minute, and wanted to bring something to me, that he knew Jerry wanted me to have...
Sorry is such a small word...
I feel for Jay... I can't take his pain from him, or bring him peace... I can't give him many more years of pranks, or torturing Derrick... I can't erase watching his best friend deteriorate right before his eyes... Being powerless to stop it... I don't know how...
My heart smiles when I think of Jerry... Whatever your spiritual path or religious belief... He has moved on... Unrestricted, unbound... No longer a trapped man... He is Free...

As Always, Be Kind To Yourselves... I'm Fine, Thanks For Asking

8 comments:

Gina Bruce said...

Awww. M - I'm sorry for you but glad you seem to have the right perspective. At least he's free to roam and see and do and know all that the universe holds a secret from us trapped here on the ground.

I love you!
XOXO
GBoogie

Sh@ney said...

I like to think anyone that passes on from this journey , has gone on to somewhere beautiful, magical, enchanting, peaceful - BETTER!
You are in my thoughts - and I am sorry you & your friends lost someone special. ♥hugs♥ Syn! xoxox

Sh@ney said...

Just a quicky to let you know my blog address has changed LOL
The old address was too similar to that of 'Pride of Place' & I have been asked to change it.
New address is
http://blogshaney.blogspot.com
Sorry for the hassle
Hugs
Shaney

J. David Zacko-Smith said...

Thinking about you...

Sue said...

He is free and his suffering is over. No, you can't erase the past, but you can be part of Jay's future as a good friend. I am sure that will help lots. Take care of yourself.

DiamondFistWerny said...

It's tough, sometimes isn't it? Good for you, for taking such a positive spin. Big hug from Steve :)

Sh@ney said...

You never have much to say my friend...I am hoping it is due to the overwhelmingly good time your having?
xoxo

Ed said...

So how is your August going so far? The blogging world waits with baited breath to hear that you're okay.