Sorry I haven't posted in a while... As we all know... Sometimes life gets in the way of living... So... Here we go... What you've all been waiting for... Monday the 25th of June, my appointment with Big Hands 4:30, can't be late... It was a busy day, I had to run my normal Monday errands and get to an earlier than normal appointment... I arrived about 4:00, excitement building... I've decided to do it... I'm going to ask Big Hands out...
I'm sitting in my car, listening to Journey (man, that Steve Perry has a voice on him)... Anyway, the door opens Big Hands comes out with one of his clients... Big Hands waves and says come on in... I get out of my car, walk up the steps and meet Big Hands on the porch...
Syn: Hey how are you?
Big Hands: Good, how are you?
Syn: Good... no hug... hmmm
Big Hands: Come on in... I need to prep...
Syn: Thats fine, I need to pee...
I finish peeing, as I'm washing my hands, staring myself down in the mirror... You can do it, I know you can... Just ask him... I finish, walk down stairs and into the massage room, hes there, smooth face, shorts, and a T-shirt... Damn...
Syn: Hey... I smile
Big Hands: Hey... he smiles
Syn: So tell me, my last appointment you were heading to Pensacola for Memorial Day weekend... How was it? Did you have a good time?
Big Hands: Oh wow... yeah it was great... I had a great time... he pauses, looks me dead in the eye
Syn: Thats awesome... his smile fades
Big Hands: I met someone...
Syn: did someone just punch me in the gut... Thats... Great... I did the fake smile (I hate it, but couldn't do anything else)
Syn: Thats Awesome... his smile returns
Big Hands: He is really nice... of course he is Hes tall, blond hair, blue eyed... perfect... And he lives here... of course he does
Syn: Thats great... Well... Good for you... Thats... Just... Well good...
Big Hands: I'm going to leave you... you just did for a few minutes... Let you get ready... I'll be back in a few... probably bringing him in here to introduce us
I honestly don't know what was going through my mind... The rest of my session, I was pretty much on auto pilot... I don't remember much of the conversation after that... I do remember, telling him I thought it was great (and meaning it) that he found someone... They are taking it slow... He sounded as giddy as a hairdresser who has fallen for his massage therapist... The thing I am most proud of, that I will remember... I told him... I said it out loud... I told him I would still crush on him... He said... Thats fine, with a smile... Not a great response, but its not about the response... I put it out there, (kind of) I opened myself up, (a little) to the possibilities... Opened up to someone else being a part of my life... I thoroughly enjoyed my crush, and the possibility of more...
It's not Earth shattering, no revelation... It's me learning more about me... When you have been alone for a while, I think sometimes you can fall into a trap... A cycle... Going day to day, in the same routine, doing what you do...
I don't want to be that guy, that wakes up one day, regretting missed opportunities, singing that shoulda... woulda... coulda... song... I want to fall in love many times before I'm done... So, anyway, thats my story and I'm sticking to it...
As always, Be kind to yourselves... I'm fine thanks for asking... ;)
33 comments:
*hug* The right guy will come along and sweep you off your feet when you least expect it! Til then I'll continue to crush on you...tee hee.
well, on the bright side, nothing lasts forever. they'll break up, and then you get another shot... ;-)
Ugh! A punch in the gut! I'm not going to say anything because I care too much to hurt you. So, do you want to be the hero or villain today?
Spoon: The virtual Hug is nice... Yes... He's out there somewhere...
Franck: LOL
Sue: I know... I know... You are going to tell me that I shouldn't be surprised, and that I shouldn't be whining... It's my own damn fault for waiting so long... I know... Thats sweet that you didn't want to hurt my feelings... Thats ok... I like it when you're rough... ;) Today... Totally the villain...
No. I don't think that you deserved this. No one ever does. I do think that you should have made a move sooner. But it's like you said, shoulda, woulda, coulda. Why blame yourself? You could be philosophical about it and say it just wasn't meant to be. There will be a next time, and maybe then you won't hesitate. You really have a lot to offer to a guy you know. Time to come out of the shell Synrgy. Reread your Pieces of 8 post and remember you looked really hot standing next to Francesco. ;)
If only you lived closer to me, we'd make out for a couple of hours & all would be well again...isn't that what friends are for?
Synrgy, I didn't want to actually read that Big Hands found "Mr. Right Now" (even though I had a sinking suspicion that was coming). *Big Bear Hug*
I agree with Sue....you're smokin' hot in those pics with Francesco. I'd be crushing on you if I were in your presence.
Syn, your Prince Charming is out there and when he finds you, he's going to be one lucky guy.
I know it's tough, but keep leaving yourself open to the possibilities -- you have so much to offer the right man.
Big hug,
Dirk
Sue: You are right Sue... I could rationalize it all day long... I need to be proactive... My shell feels all comfy and cozy tho...
Christopher: Exactly... With friends like that who needs...
Donnie: *blush* Flattery will get you everywhere.
Dirk: You are right... It is tough.. Opening yourself up to someone else... Slowly but surely, I guess, and don't call me Shirley!
♥♥♥♥BIG HUGS♥♥♥♥
Dont be so hard on yourself babe, It is not a case of missed opportunity at all, you were being cautious, & if Mr Big Hands was meant for you it would have happened. We all fall for someone we are not meant to be with, at some point in our lifetime. And another moment will come along where it is right for you & you will fall in love, just be patient. Love is worth waiting for no matter how long it takes.
I have been single for 14 months now & although I get very lonely at times, I still dream that one day Love will find a way back into my life. Until then I have plenty of living & a whole bunch of fun to be had. Which I hope one day includes meeting some of you blogger friends that I have come to cherish.
[[[[KISSES]]]]
You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. Unfortunatly, you end up with warts.
My hermit philosphy is that if I'm supposed to find a guy he will fall out of the sky onto my bed. After 20 years I'm still waiting. Sad but true.
Shaney: Thank you... If I can be counted as one of the cherished... It might be sooner than you think... ;)
Ed: I think I've subconsciously being doing the same exact thing for the past 5 years... I think it's time we got off our collective asses Ed...
I had a difficult childhood. My Uber Religious parents told me sex was bad. Then when I started having gay tendencies they tried to beat it out of me. Now I am unable to show intimacy to anyone. I need professional help but that costs money. I'll just live my life out as a hermit. It may seem strange to others but it seems normal to me.
Oh your certainly cherished my friend...And If I get the chance to meet you one day well that would just be wonderful I reckon...xox
Ed: Did your parents not have sex to concieve? It might very well be the type of sex they were referring too, no matter what though brutality is uncalled for. Dont waste away your life waiting for help babe, you can help yourself more than anyone else can. It has to start with you!!
Sorry Syn...I shouldn't be discussing this here but Ed has no outside link...*winks*
Shaney: What are you doing the end of January beginning of February? ;)
Ed: I can't imagine the torture of your childhood... But, as my Dad said to me on many occasions... We all have our own dragons to slay... I agree with Shaney... You know yourself better than anyone... Reach out and allow others to know you as well.
Thanks for the advice guys. I did meet a guy a couple of years ago but after being ambigous he finally decided he wasn't gay. It tore my heart out all over again. I need to find a guy who is sensitive and faithful and loyal. Damn, I think I'll just get a dog. Most of all he has to know he is completely Gay. The guy not the dog. LOL.
I say Big Hands but clearly Small Eyes to have not seen how great a man you are, M.
XOXOXO
GBoogs
Ed: Dogs are a great way to meet people in your Gayborhood... If you have one (a gayborhood and a dog)
GBoogie: You're so sweet... Hugs and kisses on all your pink parts...
unrequited crushes suck.
The guy I fell for pretended to be Gay at first. He came to work at the same place I worked at the time. The guys all agreed he was as gay as a three dollar bill. I was excited. We became friends. He lost his license on a drunk driving charge. I drove him to work. I went to his house every morning and he showered with the door open. Then he came out with a towel on. I made him breakfast and he would light a cigarette and make me smoke it with him. He got a girlfriend but said she wouldn't give him head. He made me dinner a few times. I threw some trash in his recycling bin once, he punched me real hard. I got mad and left and he moved the girl in with him. Even after all that I still loved him.
about a boy: Yes... Yes they do... Although, crushes can be fun... :)
Ed: Users, unfortunately are everywhere... If you are truly happy with where you are, then be happy... I think it's a matter of being honest with yourself, truly honest... What do you want?
I have no idea what I am doing next week Syn, let alone January...Do my taste buds decieve me or is there a hint of Synergy 'Down Under' sometime soon...*winks*
hey ! Thanks for you comment on GYM FANATIC ! I love hearing from unknown guys around the world !
Glad you enjoy my posts, tell me what you like the most... so I can make special posts for you !
See you !
nico
I've just find your blog by jee...nice eyes... ;-)
Hi Syn.....have just been reading your blog...it is great to hear about a guy that is himself and doesn't really require others to validate that. A mate of mine with tats and piercings...who looks great -wish I had the balls to get some- is giving them all up to conform!
As for luv etc...we get one crack at life, and spend too much time hesitating and procrastinating...always reach for it. Big-hands may not be the guy....maybe he is, time will tell. Keep an open mind and be prepared to be suprised by circumstance. The best things in life really can happen when you least expect...or are looking for them. We just need to be mindful to act at that time.
Hugs and kisses from Ireland..xxxx
Janus: Thank you... From what I can see, you have a nice everything... ;)
Vincent: Sorry about your friend, why would he give it all up... Must be a woman... LOL... I went to your site... Love it... Thanks Vincent... Hugs to you :)
Hey there...yeah I noticed you had a peek at my blog such as it is, and left a message or two...thanks. I too am one who likes a bit of hair on guys...a 'treasure trail' is just beautiful, however hairy backs and all that indicates...well can't be doing that!!
As for my friend giving up his piercings..well he has gone from, ears, eye-brow,lip,tongue,nipple, b-button and dick..to just a nipple. He is keeping the tats..lol...for obvious reasons!!
Cheerio for now...Vincent..x
So Synrgy, where is this long rumored post about you in a leather get up??? Hmmmmmmmm?
Pensacola hookups never last.
22 days without a single post my man! Just not good enuf...lol
How is one supposed to keep track of you when you sit in the shadows, ever so quietly...*winks*
Where are you Synrgy? I am worried a bit. No comments on folk's blogs even. Are you doing okay or just taking a vacation?
What exactly can you say when a crush tells you they found someone?
I do the same thing you do: smile and say how happy you are for them (even though you're breaking inside).
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